first dates

I know most people hate first dates. But I absolutely love them!

Fretting over the perfect outfit. Anxiety about where to go and what to do. Hoping you won't say anything stupid or trip over a crack in the sidewalk or get food stuck in your teeth.

Flowers. Opening doors. Holding hands. Exchanging smiles.

Pretending to like each other's music. And sense of humor. And shoes. At least for the first hour. Until you realize you have to be honest or else you might be stuck with those shoes and jokes and bands for the rest of your life.

And the night only gets better once you are honest. Or worse. But either way it's an adventure. Memories in the making.

Every date should be like this, no matter how long you've been together. Nerve wracking and exciting. Eager to learn about your partner and to share your heart. Seeking common ground and growth opportunities. Learning to be flexible and to set boundaries. Appreciating one another with smiles and car doors and time. And above all having fun together and making each other feel special.

There are certainly benefits to knowing and being known by your partner, but there are downsides as well.

My first husband and I got married 10 years after our first date, so I know how easy it is to let "comfortable" turn in to "ordinary". To get busy with family and work and home life. And precisely because we thought we'd outgrown first dates, neither of us had any fun or felt special or looked forward to learning new things about the other.

The second time around I dated my husband all through our marriage and it was the best 3 years of my life. Even the hard and heartbreaking days were better than most because they were sandwiched in the middle of attention and love and care.

So I definitely advocate EMBRACING FIRST DATES. Whether you've been married 10 years or you are tenderly putting yourself out there after a season of heartbreak. Because it truly is worth it to take a chance on a first date, over and over again.