vulnerability

At last weekend's Women of Faith conference, Sheila Walsh described 3 types of believers:

• the cautious believer, who believes in God but doesn't really trust God to be in charge of her life. She wants to know how it's all going to turn out before she agrees to do anything God asks. 
• the cruisers, who believe in God and allow Him to guide their lives, but only so long as everything feels good. The moment a storm hits, the cruiser is quick to abandon God's plan.
• the committed believer, who says "wherever Jesus is, that's where I want to be." She'd rather go through bad days with God, than live a single good day without Him.

As Sheila was describing these 3 types of believers, I could immediately identify times in my life when I have had each of these types of faith. 

I knew I wanted to share these types of faith and my experiences of them at church on Sunday, but I was terrified of being that vulnerable. Of giving specific details of my experiences. Mostly because the specifics dealt with my past marriages and divorces, which I'd never discussed with anyone at the church. 

What if they judged me? Rejected me? Treated me differently? What if they decided they didn't want someone preaching who had lived this life? What if they judged the men I was married to, who are both wonderful and don't deserve to be judged?

My heart was racing as the time of the message approached. All of our regular attendees were there. Plus a few who attend only occasionally. And even a few visitors. 

I said a quick prayer: "Dear Lord, are you sure about this? I don't want to offend anyone or scare them away. We could come up with a new sermon, right here and now..." God assured me that He knew who was going to show up that morning, even if I didn't. 

And so I laid it all out there. My moments of failure as a cautious believer who couldn't trust God with the future of her marriage. My moments of failure as a cruiser who couldn't trust God when marriage got difficult. And my moments of redemption as a committed believer who completely relinquished her life to the only one who knew what to do with it. Plus God's promise that even if my faith fluctuates from cautious to cruiser to committed and back again, His love for me--FOR YOU--will never waiver or change.

God not only knew who was going to show up Sunday morning, but He also knew how they would respond. With hugs and tears. With gratitude for my openness. With similar stories of their own. With whispered secrets to me after the service about the hard thing they were currently trying to trust God for. With prayers for my victory. With emails of appreciation that I was part of their church family. With hearts open to examining times in their own lives when they've been cautious, cruisers, and committed believers.

EMBRACE VULNERABILITY.

Sharing our own tender places may put us in the position to be judged, but they also put us in the position to be loved.