safety
"Do you feel safe at home?" a nurse asked me back in April when I was in the hospital.
My sister-in-law and I laughed, because that is what people do in uncomfortable situations. The answer was yes, today I feel safe. But the answer would have been different had it been asked a year before, or at several other points in my adult life.
So many things can take away our sense of safety. Robbery. Rape. Fire. Water. Disease. Learning someone is not who you thought they were. Watching the news (the show Rescue 911 gave me horrible nightmares as a kid). Addiction. Losing someone you love.
Seven years ago I was living in a townhouse in Fairborn, Ohio, when my neighbor shot and killed his fiance. In front of their three year old son. Just on the other side of my bedroom wall. Even though he immediately went to jail, I was terrified. For months. Until one night I came home and was so tired from my day that after unlocking the front door I failed to remove the keys from the lock and left them in the door all night. For anyone to enter my home. For any purpose. No one did. And the next morning while at a loss as to where my keys could be I found them outside in the lock, right where I'd left them. I wasn't afraid after that. But I still moved out as soon as my lease was up.
I was reminded of this yesterday during a conversation with a friend whose home isn't safe right now. I want to make things safe for my friend again. But at the same time I want to be far far away from any connection to that situation. I don't want to jeopardize my own safety. And not just my actual safety but also my feeling of being safe.
Because I can be safe but not feel safe, or feel safe but not actually be safe, and it is important to me to have both.
EMBRACE SAFETY.
We underestimate the importance of safety. Until it is taken away.
I'm so grateful that today I feel safe.
Reading Hopeless by Colleen Hoover, about a girl whose whole sense of safety is shattered when she is forced to confront her past.
My sister-in-law and I laughed, because that is what people do in uncomfortable situations. The answer was yes, today I feel safe. But the answer would have been different had it been asked a year before, or at several other points in my adult life.
So many things can take away our sense of safety. Robbery. Rape. Fire. Water. Disease. Learning someone is not who you thought they were. Watching the news (the show Rescue 911 gave me horrible nightmares as a kid). Addiction. Losing someone you love.
Seven years ago I was living in a townhouse in Fairborn, Ohio, when my neighbor shot and killed his fiance. In front of their three year old son. Just on the other side of my bedroom wall. Even though he immediately went to jail, I was terrified. For months. Until one night I came home and was so tired from my day that after unlocking the front door I failed to remove the keys from the lock and left them in the door all night. For anyone to enter my home. For any purpose. No one did. And the next morning while at a loss as to where my keys could be I found them outside in the lock, right where I'd left them. I wasn't afraid after that. But I still moved out as soon as my lease was up.
I was reminded of this yesterday during a conversation with a friend whose home isn't safe right now. I want to make things safe for my friend again. But at the same time I want to be far far away from any connection to that situation. I don't want to jeopardize my own safety. And not just my actual safety but also my feeling of being safe.
Because I can be safe but not feel safe, or feel safe but not actually be safe, and it is important to me to have both.
EMBRACE SAFETY.
We underestimate the importance of safety. Until it is taken away.
I'm so grateful that today I feel safe.
Reading Hopeless by Colleen Hoover, about a girl whose whole sense of safety is shattered when she is forced to confront her past.
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