process

My nephew and nieces' great-grandfather passed away on Saturday. This is the second great-grandfather who has passed in their lifetime, but the first that they are old enough to be aware of.

The kids know that Buck was in the hospital, that he was sick and didn't get better, that his heart stopped working, and that he didn't wake up. Beyond that my brother and sister-in-law have given the kids space to ask questions and process in their own way, which I think is perfect.

I've spent a lot of time with the kids in the past two weeks, to help out while the family spent Buck's last days together and have made arrangements for the funeral, so I've been able to witness some of this processing.

Tessa: "Buck isn't going to wake up... not even on Christmas?"

Kaylee: "Where does Aunt Jenn live?" (Me: "Texas.") "Buck is in Texas. At the doctor." (Presumably she thinks of him as "far away" and you can't get much farther than Texas!)

Tysen: "Cupcakes! Hide and seek! Ice cream! Brownies! Checkers! More ice cream!" (After I told her Buck could eat and play whatever he wanted in heaven.)

Kenzi: "How did Buck get in the clouds?" (Kaylee: "He closed his eyes and he didn't wake up. So it was like a dream.") "How do we get there so we can see him?"

I don't have the answers to all of their questions. I'm only just beginning to hear the questions and see how valid they are (seriously, how do we get to heaven??? magic carpet? beam me up Scotty? teleportation?).

But I can be a listening ear; provide a safe space where they can ask questions and imagine their own answers; be someone who encourages their process, whatever that process may be.

EMBRACE PROCESS.

One of my sister-in-law's favorite sayings is: "I need time to process." Process away my friends! Take all the time and ask all the questions you need.