"me"

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Tysen. Beautiful Tysen. World changer, this one.

Last Friday I asked her what she was thankful for. "Jumping in mud puddles," she said.

Her brother added, "She REALLY likes that."

It is true that she is happiest in motion. Twirling, jumping, climbing, running. I'm surprised we haven't found her on top of the refrigerator yet.

On Sunday I asked her again. "What are you thankful for today?"

It has taken me this entire week to process her answer, to embrace it for myself, to recognize it for the gift that it is.

"Me," she said. One tiny word and those big beautiful eyes piercing my soul. "Me."

Not mud puddles or Aunt Katie. Not school or silly songs. Not tights or beautiful dresses, princesses or cinnamon rolls. But "me".

And then she pressed her face up against the door and made an awkward smashed-up-nose-while-kissing-glass face. Because that is part of her "me". Silly, playful, compassionate, always in motion Tysen.

Meanwhile I am left wondering, am I thankful for "me"? I mean really, really, truly and honestly? Even when my face is pressed against the glass, when I feel more silly than beautiful, when my awkwardness is captured for all the world to see? Not just thankful to be alive, or for the experiences I've had or the people I've had them with. Not just thankful 'when'... Not just thankful 'if'... Not just thankful 'because'... but all of those things and more. On my best days and worst days. On days I realize I will never be 'this' or 'that' and on days when I realize I am more.

I don't know that I am all the way there yet. Not the way Tysen is. But I'm getting closer. Better. Happier. More intentional. Realizing it is not enough to "accept" who I am. (There is such resignation in that word.) But that what I want is to EMBRACE "ME".


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