narrative
In preparation for my Easter Sunday sermon I re-read my blog entries for the year. I didn't know what I would find, but I knew God had a message for me here.
As I reflected on January, I noticed that the blogs, while shorter and seemingly less personal, were primarily focused on my fears. By embracing imperfection, change, endings, boundaries, and self, I was actually naming what separates me from embracing life, wholeness, and God. January was, in essence, my Good Friday. The day that I lay at the foot of the cross everything I needed to crucify.
February was a bit harder for me to grasp. I seemed to be all over the place. Family life became much more important, but so did work. Halfway through the month I embraced lent and began my journey of reading the Bible. There were sermons and fortune cookies, a driver's test and other afflictions. Miracles and deadlines, togetherness and inevitability. It was, perhaps, similar to the day between Good Friday and the Resurrection in which the emotional roller coaster of loss, expectation, devastation, understanding, and seeking something--anything--to hold on to all play out at once while you are left grasping at straws.
When March rolled around I remember my sister commenting that my blogs had noticeably become very focused. And reading back through them I see how right she was. Jesus, God, church, discipleship, the Bible--even those blogs that weren't specifically about these topics still had an undercurrent of gratitude to God, wisdom from the Bible, and a sense of calling and desire to share Him with others. March became my month of wonder, in which He was revealed to me in a new Light, in a Resurrection Sunday sort of way.
In three months He has led me on a journey to more fully understand those three days, to more fully grasp the wonder of crucifixion, mourning, anticipation, and celebration. To be awed by all that He has done for me, for all of us, and stand amazed that He will be with us always, even to the end of days.
This is not the sermon I ended up delivering on Easter Sunday, but it is the sermon that God delivered to me.
As I reflected on January, I noticed that the blogs, while shorter and seemingly less personal, were primarily focused on my fears. By embracing imperfection, change, endings, boundaries, and self, I was actually naming what separates me from embracing life, wholeness, and God. January was, in essence, my Good Friday. The day that I lay at the foot of the cross everything I needed to crucify.
February was a bit harder for me to grasp. I seemed to be all over the place. Family life became much more important, but so did work. Halfway through the month I embraced lent and began my journey of reading the Bible. There were sermons and fortune cookies, a driver's test and other afflictions. Miracles and deadlines, togetherness and inevitability. It was, perhaps, similar to the day between Good Friday and the Resurrection in which the emotional roller coaster of loss, expectation, devastation, understanding, and seeking something--anything--to hold on to all play out at once while you are left grasping at straws.
When March rolled around I remember my sister commenting that my blogs had noticeably become very focused. And reading back through them I see how right she was. Jesus, God, church, discipleship, the Bible--even those blogs that weren't specifically about these topics still had an undercurrent of gratitude to God, wisdom from the Bible, and a sense of calling and desire to share Him with others. March became my month of wonder, in which He was revealed to me in a new Light, in a Resurrection Sunday sort of way.
In three months He has led me on a journey to more fully understand those three days, to more fully grasp the wonder of crucifixion, mourning, anticipation, and celebration. To be awed by all that He has done for me, for all of us, and stand amazed that He will be with us always, even to the end of days.
This is not the sermon I ended up delivering on Easter Sunday, but it is the sermon that God delivered to me.
Sometimes His story is also yours.
My blog has been active since August of 2006. It is hard to believe that I will celebrate seven years in four short months.
ReplyDeleteThe first entries I wrote were me trying to find my own voice. I'm a little embarrassed about the content now, as I was so unfocused back then. I think I hit my stride about two years ago and have never looked back since.
If this blog is something you intend to keep for years and years, I'm sure you'll reach a similar kind of evolution.
Thanks Kevin! I'm glad to know you have evolved publicly and survived! Embracing your voice is certainly part of the journey of being a writer!!!
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