2020

Houston is where my aunt and uncle and cousins live. When I was a kid we visited once at Christmas and miraculously had a blizzard. A Jewish neighbor dressed up like Santa for us. It was the first time I realized Santa wasn't real. (The neighbor came over for drinks later and was wearing the same watch that Santa had on. I put two and two together.) San Antonio is where we spent our first Christmas after my grandpa died. We explored the River walk and the Alamo. We had Christmas dinner at a Chinese restaurant and went swimming afterwards. My grandma suction cupped a felt Christmas tree to our hotel window and we sat on the beds reading Grandpa's poetry, laughing out loud. In my early twenties I spent a couple days sleeping in my car in Amarillo while reading Banana Rose by Natalie Goldberg and drinking Strawberry Daiquiris during happy hour at Texas Roadhouse. The company I work for is in Southlake. I spent two days in the office last year, to meet my coworkers, laugh an...

Jackson 5, The Beatles, New Kids on the Block, Backstreet Boys, Jonas Brothers, One Direction. Does anything define the life of a pre-teen girl more than the music she listens to and the corresponding posters on her locker/notebook/bedroom wall? The boys in these bands were our first crushes. They were the total package -- looks, voices, and dance moves. They told us we were beautiful and to never settle for guys who didn't appreciate us. We listened and watched over and over so that 25 years later we still know all the words and choreography to The Right Stuff. We know all 5 steps in Step by Step. We have mastered "name that NKOTB tune" singing only the "ohs" (oh-oh-oh-oh-oh). We still sing the NKOTB version of "Happy Birthday" every year, if not out loud at least in our heads. Fueled by nostalgia, millions of 25-45 year old women will see Boys II Men, 98 Degrees, and NKOTB in concert this summer, as I did earlier this week. The nostalgia...

The last attempt at a Girls Night Out was an epic fail . Tonight we attempt a remix, a do-over, restitution. Please pray that no ambulances, emergency room visits, or viruses plague our evening. And that all the girls who tease their hair with AquaNet do not catch on fire, requiring an evacuation of the boy band adventure we are hoping to embrace. EMBRACE DO OVERS . Tonight 's mantra: Where Do I Go From Here? Take it Step By Step , keep Hangin' Tough , because You Got The Right Stuff . I Like The Remix Baby !

Even though I had agreed in advance to speak on Sunday morning, when I showed up at Martinsville Friends Church yesterday I didn’t quite feel ready to fill in for the pastor.  As I prayed and listened last week for what God wanted me to share on Sunday morning, I never did feel a clear leading. Part of the challenge, it seemed, was that I didn’t know who attended this church. How could I speak to them when I didn’t know who they were? I didn’t know their hearts. Their why, where, what, and hows. I ended up taking with me the message I shared at a different church the Sunday before, but I wasn't convinced that I was actually going to offer this when the time arose. The prayer that kept rising for me was, "God, whatever you want to happen on Sunday, I trust you."  What happened was that one person showed up. One. We chatted casually while she opened up the church. It was my first time visiting, but I immediately felt at home. Barb propped open the doors...

Thomas Edison once said, “Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” On May 2nd I tried running for the first time. I looked at the "Couch to 5k" training model and set out to run in 30 second increments. I made it 30 seconds but not without a struggle. I was sweating and breathing hard. My entire body hurt. My ankle rolled with every step. Pain stabbed at my knees. I set a goal to be able to run from one telephone pole to the next -- not even 100 yards between the two. How was I ever going to be able to run 2 miles by the July 14 triathlon? Let alone run them after swimming and biking. Today I ran 3 miles in 30 minutes and had enough energy to run hard the last 100 yards. Oh, and I was pain free. It would have been easy to give up 7 weeks ago when running was hard and painful. When my goal of being able to compete in a triathlon in 10 weeks seemed completely unrealistic, a distant dream. When I coul...

I've talked to so many people who don't feel passionate about their personal and professional lives. Who are overworked and overwhelmed. Who judge and criticize and control due to frustration. Who are indifferent to the wonder around them. Who are resigned to this being their lot in life. I too go through times when I lack motivation, excitement, compassion, or zest for anything, let alone life. But I tend to see these moments as opportunities. Open doors to remembering what does trigger zeal in me. Occasion to explore new things. Time for adventure, seeking the excitement that is missing. It's what led me to quit my job and move to California when I was 22. And how I ended up living in my car at 23. It has taken me to India and Ecuador, brought me to yoga and triathlons. It's how I know having a clean house isn't nearly as important as spending time with your parents. And hiking the Grand Canyon before you go in to work is far better than staying on the r...

Kasen, duck caller in training. Tessa pointed at the bearded man sitting next to us at the t-ball game last night and said, "Hey, that guy is on TV!" He did bear a striking resemblance to Willie Robertson. I've long since loved the family dinner night and prayer that concludes each episode of Duck Dynasty. But now that I've started watching the show with my nephew, and often with the girls, parents, and grandparents too, there are so many other things I love about this show. I love that it focuses on family. And that family is defined in the broadest sense of the word. Be it husband, wife, son, grandson, uncle, neighbor, or employee, all are welcome at the family dinner table. I love that God and the Bible are both understated and undenied. You might go a whole episode and only hear God implied in the prayer at the end. Or you might hear Phil overtly tell his grandsons to marry a woman who can cook and carry a Bible. Or Si say all he needs is Jesus and his...

For work right now I am researching all of the things God promises us in the Bible. Everything from hope to salvation, joy to abundance, peace and rest to transformation. Since my boss asked for 100 promises, I stopped yesterday when I got to 122. Above all else, God promises to be with us. No matter where we are, no matter what we are going through, no matter what we've done, He promises to be there. And He always keeps His word. EMBRACE PROMISES .

Tysen Lane. June 12, 2013. Crying during my sermons has become pretty standard these days. So it was no surprise yesterday that, at the end of my sermon as I was expressing my gratitude to my father and all the members of Fairview Friends Meeting who have been instrumental in my spiritual upbringing, I got choked up and the tears started flowing. The unexpected part was that after I sat down and settled into our period of reflection Tysen walked herself up the aisle, around the pulpit, and climbed onto my lap. It reminded me of a visit I made to a children's HIV/AIDS hospital in India. One of the women on the trip with me sat down and started crying. She herself had spent the first several months of her life in an orphanage in India and, even though she had been adopted as a small child and had a wonderful upbringing in the United States, she couldn't contain the emotion at seeing these children, many of whose parents had died of AIDS. It wasn't long before a group ...

During my last night at camp, Bryce, one of my favorite campers, invited me to play frisbee golf with him and a bunch of other kids and camp director Eric (who is a professional frisbee golfer, seriously). "I don't know how," I said. "Pick it up and throw it. It's fun," he said, not letting me off the hook. I grabbed a frisbee and gave it a toss. "That was great!" Bryce cheered. (It wasn't actually great, but you can see why he was one of my favorites.) So I played my first round of frisbee golf. I made sure everyone knew this was my first time. And the kids were sure to run, duck, and dodge each time my frisbee came their way. In fact, Eric suggested everyone stand behind me until I'd thrown. But sometimes the frisbee still went in their direction. Eric and the kids were patient and encouraging. They tried to teach me new hand positions and get me to use muscles I didn't know I had. And they of course were incredible. Bry...

Quaker Knoll Camp. Wilmington, OH. June 13, 2013. "I'm thankful for my thankfulness." One of our junior campers shared this during open worship around the campfire tonight. The campers, counselors, and directors had been sharing freely for about 20 minutes what they were thankful for. The gratitude included: I'm glad I have a cool counselor who talks to me when I can't sleep. I don't fit in at school. But at camp everyone thinks I'm cool and hangs out with me.  I'm glad we're all friends.  We don't always get along I'm glad my brother and sister are here. I'm glad Katie came here to teach us about the Bible and stuff.  I feel closer to God after being here.  I'm glad we played mud kickball today.  I'm grateful for the airplane flying overhead. Oh hey, there is the Big Dipper. I'm grateful for that too. I'm grateful for everyone who took care of us this week, especially during the storms.  I like food.  ...

Yesterday one of the campers asked me if I'd been on the show Survivor . She said the rumor had been circulating since the first night of camp when I showed up for campfire with my rucksack on my back. I assured her I had not. I was actually a bit thrown by the question. It seemed completely random, presenting itself in the midst of our cancer discussion. In fact, at first I thought she was asking me if I was a cancer survivor. But later I wondered if Survivor didn't have a place in our campfire discussions, with our overarching theme of "journeys". So tonight I asked, "Who can give us a brief synopsis of Survivor?" "You are all alone on an island, trying to see how long you can last," one boy was quick to reply. "What do you take with you to the island?" I prodded. "Nothing but the clothes on your back," another guy said. "Kind of like the disciples," I said. "In the gospels, Jesus is recorded as ...

"My great-grandma has cancer. Why did God let that happen?" A girl, maybe 10 years old, asked me this with tears in her eyes at the start of tonight's campfire devotions. The kids were telling me the story of Joseph, how his brothers threw him in a pit, faked his death, and sold him into slavery. And how God made him in charge of Egypt. "Joseph's journey wasn't fun," I said, "But the Bible tells us 'God meant it for good.'" Which was followed by the girl wanting to know how it could be good that her great-grandma has cancer. And a room full of 8-12 year olds sharing the names of their family members and friends and classmates who have cancer, are going through chemo, have died, or have survived. A few of the kids had raised money through  Relay For Life events, and another did Hoops For Heart .   I told the girl with tears in her eyes the only thing I could. "I'm sorry about your great-grandma. I don't know why God...

I'm leading campfire devotions at our local church camp this week, hoping to shine a light in the lives of 30 or so 8 to 11 year olds and their teenage counselors. As I prayed about how to keep their attention at 9:30 p.m. after they had been on the go all day I decided to use the time to let them teach me. "What did you learn today?" I asked. "About David and Goliath," one girl offered. "Cool!" I said. "Who is David?" "I don't know," she replied. "A boy," another little girl offered. "A shepherd boy," a young guy who seemed to know his stuff helped. "A king," another shared. "That's right," I said. "David defeated Goliath in preparation to become king. How did you all prepare to come to camp?" "I brought a sleeping bag." "I brought clothes and a swim suit." "Bug spray. Sunscreen. Hand sanitizer. Deodorant." (Yes, the same ...

As a kid I loved Stephen King movies. I thought they were creepy and disgusting and insanely creative. As an adult I discovered Stephen King novels. They were still insanely creative, sometimes creepy, but not nearly as disgusting. They also showed King's immense talent, his affinity for the complexity of human emotion, his ability to draw the reader into another world that is both entirely normal and completely unimaginable except through his eyes. The magnitude of his proficiency in crafting characters of depth is grossly understated in the movies. Or perhaps overshadowed by the creepy and disgusting. Once I opened myself to Stephen King, I also discovered his wife Tabitha, another wildly gifted writer. Pearl is a genius of a book. And I plan on reading their sons, Owen King and Joe Hill, in the future. The lesson: don't judge a book by its cover, or an author by his movies (or her husband or their dad). Be willing to look for the depth we all possess. EMBRACE STEP...

I love getting up with the sun. I don't have curtains or blinds on my bedroom windows, so when daylight begins to stream in (or fog, as the case was this morning) I yawn and stretch and jump up to begin my day. Some mornings are easier to jump out of bed than others. There are lots of variables. How well I slept the night before. If my arthritis is acting up. Whether or not my dog is here to run with me. If I went to bed with regret or anger or sadness. What is on the day's agenda. Regardless of whether I jump up with vigor, or ease my way slowly out from under the covers, every morning promises a new opportunity. A day filled with potential. New books to be read, new lines to be written, new chances to do things right, fresh coffee to fill my cup. The old has gone the new has come. And the earlier I get up, the more time I have to embrace it. EMBRACE MORNINGS . The Book of Genesis records God's creation of the world in 6 days, resting on the 7th. Each day is marke...

Yesterday I went to Brookville, Indiana, to put in 20 or so miles of hiking. Every time I got lost, which was many many times, I paused to look for a sign. Initially if I couldn't find one, I would press on, hoping to connect with the trail and its markers ahead. Sometimes it worked out. Sometimes it didn't. Later I realized it made more sense, and I found I was more successful, when I back tracked to the last trail marker I had seen. Then I would discover where I had gone wrong. Sometimes the culprit was an overgrown trail. But usually it had more to do with me moving too fast, or not paying attention, or being intrigued by something that looked more interesting on a spur trail (a fire pit, a beach, a tree to climb). When I find I've lost my way in life, I can sometimes push on and, through stumbles and detours, find the path again. Other times the wrong trail will still meet up with the right trail if I keep going forward. And still other times it is best to go b...

The photo below reminds me of the serenity prayer. Kasen is showing courage to overcome evil, emboldened by the dinosaur as his shield. The girls are showing serenity, accepting that they cannot change their brother's need to slay dragons and rescue princesses. Tysen in particular, sitting on the tail, is so at peace she is completely oblivious to peril. And all are wise enough to know this dinosaur, unlike the snakes and turtles they were petting earlier, isn't real. Whatever real trials come your way today, ask whether you can change them. If you can, picture yourself on the head of this dinosaur and have courage. If you can't, have peace while you sit on the tail and enjoy the ride. Regardless, have enough wisdom to not try and slay the unslayable, and not let a princess go unrescued if you are equipped to save her. EMBRACE THE SERENITY PRAYER .

Whether it is a piece of bourbon chicken on a toothpick or a day at the gym, a sample of perfume in a magazine or tickets to an art museum or basketball game,  EMBRACE FREEBIES . You might just discover a new favorite dish, a new place to hang out, new friends, new trends, or a new brand of shampoo. And even if you don't like the free sample, not a penny is lost!

My dad no-tills some of his fields. In those he planted corn in last year, he didn't plow under the leftover stalks, but planted beans right on top of them. Until the rain over the weekend which made the beans sprout, the fields looked completely unworked. There are multiple reasons for no-tilling. Among them are the soil retains more nutrients and water this way, and there is less erosion of the soil. I think some of my frustration lately has stemmed from my trying to till a field that God doesn't want me to. Last year could be cataloged as my year of BIG mistakes. I'd like to till them under. Bury, overturn, hide, disrupt all of last year's remnants -- the regrets, pain, anger, lost opportunities, errors, and missteps. But I'm starting to see the benefit of no-tilling. All of those mistakes, the big ones and the even bigger ones, are lessons to be learned. They are nutrients to help me grow and be better, roots to help me stay grounded and on the righ...

I've been a bit cynical this week about pre-school activities. Are t-ball and the zoo, water parties and ice cream sundaes really worth the effort? Yesterday assured me they are. Kasen's delight as he and Grandma fed sting-rays, and he and Grandpa pet turtles... Tessa singing "rain, rain go away, come again another day" to thwart the darkening skies... Kaylee raising her arms above her head on the boat ride as if it were her first roller coaster...   Tysen's "ooohs" and "awwws" at the newborn gorilla... Kenzi's pouts when she got tired, which quickly turned around at the offer of a carousel ride... This is what makes it all worth it. EMBRACE THE ZOO . And other activities that are tedious and time consuming, test your patience, leave you sweaty and tired, and always require a lot of napkins. They really are worth it.