When You Feel Alone In A Room Full Of People
Does anyone else get overly dramatic when the stress starts to get to you? Or is it just me?
This was my frame of mind when we went to church last Sunday. So when the first thing out of the pastor's mouth was, "Have you ever been in a room full of people and felt completely alone?", tears started falling down my cheeks. I wept through the entire service.
The subject of the sermon was the importance of community. As I listened to the pastor I prayed, seeking God for answers. Why does it feel like we're all alone in this? Why does it feel like no one is supporting us? Why did you encourage us to invite others to participate in this ministry if you weren't going to stir them up to do so?
And while I cried out to him, I felt God's answers.
God reminded me that, while it was stressful for me to take on a new client right now and for Randy to be busy with weddings, God had gifted us to do this work and brought us these jobs to help us through the financial challenges.
God reminded me that, while it was stressful to visit the veterinarian on a nearly weekly basis since May, Jovi was going to be fine. Whereas an overwhelming number of my friends have said goodbye to their pets during these summer months. And countless people I have met walking Jovi, who asked about her stitches, have told me that they weren't so lucky when their pets ran into foxtails. The stress and heartache I incurred during those months has given me an empathy for people who lose pets that I didn't have before.
God reminded me that, while it was stressful to hear that Grandma has cancer, if you have to have cancer hers is really the best kind. It doesn't require chemo and radiation. And she is surrounded by people who can be with her through more testing and surgery and follow up.
God reminded me that, while it is stressful to not have a closet full of money to financially support the volunteer ministry he has called us to, God doesn't call people to ministry because of their bank accounts. He calls them because of their hearts.
God reminded me that, while it is stressful to sometimes feel unsupported by our communities, he believes in us. He called us to this. He supports us. And doing his will is more important than what anyone else thinks.
By the end of the service a renewed sense of peace had come over me. And over the course of the week I was able to let go of some of the drama and intentionally open my eyes to the blessings all around us:
Here's to a little less drama in the weeks to come and a little more of God's perspective!
I just took on a new client for work. Randy is in the midst of wedding season. Jovi is still recovering from surgery. Grandma got her biopsy results. The perfect vehicle to meet our needs in Mexico is over our budget. It's becoming really real that we are giving up so much to follow this call, particularly the ability to see our families whenever we want. My closest friends are ghosting me. We put out a call for financial support for our mission work and not one person responded.It was starting to feel like everything was against us. So when Randy and I were having a hard financial conversation last weekend I completely went off the deep end. I had us living in our car for the next two months, eating nothing but peanut butter sandwiches. And I'm not talking Jiff extra crunchy on whole grain. I'm talking closeout at the bread outlet and Great Value economy size because every penny counts.
This was my frame of mind when we went to church last Sunday. So when the first thing out of the pastor's mouth was, "Have you ever been in a room full of people and felt completely alone?", tears started falling down my cheeks. I wept through the entire service.
The subject of the sermon was the importance of community. As I listened to the pastor I prayed, seeking God for answers. Why does it feel like we're all alone in this? Why does it feel like no one is supporting us? Why did you encourage us to invite others to participate in this ministry if you weren't going to stir them up to do so?
And while I cried out to him, I felt God's answers.
God reminded me that, while it was stressful for me to take on a new client right now and for Randy to be busy with weddings, God had gifted us to do this work and brought us these jobs to help us through the financial challenges.
God reminded me that, while it was stressful to visit the veterinarian on a nearly weekly basis since May, Jovi was going to be fine. Whereas an overwhelming number of my friends have said goodbye to their pets during these summer months. And countless people I have met walking Jovi, who asked about her stitches, have told me that they weren't so lucky when their pets ran into foxtails. The stress and heartache I incurred during those months has given me an empathy for people who lose pets that I didn't have before.
God reminded me that, while it was stressful to hear that Grandma has cancer, if you have to have cancer hers is really the best kind. It doesn't require chemo and radiation. And she is surrounded by people who can be with her through more testing and surgery and follow up.
God reminded me that, while it is stressful to not have a closet full of money to financially support the volunteer ministry he has called us to, God doesn't call people to ministry because of their bank accounts. He calls them because of their hearts.
God reminded me that, while it is stressful to sometimes feel unsupported by our communities, he believes in us. He called us to this. He supports us. And doing his will is more important than what anyone else thinks.
By the end of the service a renewed sense of peace had come over me. And over the course of the week I was able to let go of some of the drama and intentionally open my eyes to the blessings all around us:
A text message of support from a friend. A financial donation that caused me to burst into tears. A buyer for our car and a negotiation in our favor for that perfect vehicle. Discounted airline tickets. A Facebook message saying "I want to bless you." An invitation to Grandparent's Day breakfast. And a marriage that continues to grow stronger each and every day.I am so blessed!
Here's to a little less drama in the weeks to come and a little more of God's perspective!
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